What is coaching, really?
Recently Anny, Melissa, Julie and Sue got together to kick off their Coaches in Conversation series by asking each other, "what is coaching, really?"
Introduction
Melissa: I think we should start by acknowledging that coaching is actually quite hard to define. Even as experienced coaches, we struggle to articulate it clearly.
Anny: Agreed. There’s no single definition that captures what coaching is in a way that makes sense to everyone - coaches, clients, organisations.
Sue: And this is a question that as coaches, we find ourselves explaining all the time!
Julie: And that’s why we’re having this conversation. Because before we dive into the trickier aspects of coaching, we need to explore how we understand it ourselves. Hopefully, through this, we can help others make sense of it too.
Defining Coaching: Where Do We Start?
Anny: Well, if it’s any consolation, even the experts struggle. Maybe we should begin with a widely accepted definition. The ICF one comes to mind.
Julie: Yes! It’s the one I always remember as certain words stand out to me; such as thought-provoking, creative, partnership, maximising potential. “Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximise their personal and professional potential.”
Anny: I like that. And then there’s the Bachkirova, Clutterbuck and Cox definition, which is more structured: “Coaching is a human development process that involves structured, focused interaction and the use of appropriate strategies, tools and techniques to promote desirable and sustainable change for the benefit of the client and potentially other stakeholders.”
Sue: So many versions, no wonder people get confused! I particularly like, “Coaching is about performing at your best, through the individual and private assistance of someone who will challenge, stimulate and guide you to keep growing” by Gerard O Donavan, Master Coach.
Melissa: I get why these definitions exist, but I wonder - how useful are they for clients? If you told a potential coachee either of those, would they actually understand what coaching is?
The Challenge of Articulating Coaching Clearly
Anny: That’s a good point. Organisations, individuals - they all come to coaching with different expectations. Some see it as performance-driven, some as developmental, some think it’s therapy with a different name.
Sue: Absolutely - people/organisations have different expectations and understanding of what coaching is and the principles that it holds and that’s why we as coaches have a very important job in setting the stage, boundaries and what the client should expect from the coach-coachee relationship.
Melissa: And the lines are blurred. We talk about coaching being distinct as it is “non-directive,” but you just have to look at the rise of AI coaching which is more directive. If clients have used an AI coach their expectations of human coaching could be different. And then there is the growing variation in specialisms in coaching, particularly those that lean more towards being therapeutic.
Julie: Yes, my coaching qualification trained me in coaching skills situated firmly within the ICF competencies. When clients started to approach me to manage feelings of overwhelm and nearing burnout, it sometimes felt that pure coaching techniques weren’t always enough. So, I completed additional training in specific burnout coaching which means I have an extended toolkit. I still wouldn’t call it directive coaching though as I still follow where the client wants to go. Ethics and boundaries are important to me.
Anny: So true, as a coach, you need to know what space you're working in, what your expertise allows you to do, and most importantly, when to refer someone elsewhere. While most coaches are guided by codes of ethics, these remain just guides. This is why coaches need to develop ethical maturity and why coaching supervision is so important.
Contracting and Re-Contracting: The Key to Clarity
Julie: This is why contracting is so important. When I started out, I used to contract once, at the beginning of the relationship. Now I do it all the time. Every session, I check in: Is this still what you need? Do we need to shift focus? Are we staying within the coaching space?
Anny: And that's a skill clients should expect from a good coach. If you're looking for coaching, ask: How does this coach manage the process? Do they adapt when needed? Quality coaching requires psychological flexibility - being present, values-driven, and adapting appropriately within ethical guidelines.
Melissa: Contracting becomes even more critical when the coaching involves other parties - like when working with a coachee and their manager or when coaching a team. It’s really important for the coach to invest time upfront contracting with each individual involved.
Sue: I couldn't agree more - this is a particular passion of mine, with my “Governance” hat on, I think it’s vital to not only clearly define the expectations and the nature of the contract with the coachee/business and to ensure from the outset what coaching is and is not. Also, “checking in” that this is still the arrangement, is essential and necessary. As a self governing practice, this is hugely important and a topic to explore on its own merit
The Organisational Context: Coaching as an Investment
Melissa: In organisations, it gets even trickier. Who owns the coaching agenda - the organisation or the individual?
Anny: I think it's reasonable for an organisation to have an agenda if they're funding coaching. But that has to be managed. The individual still needs confidentiality and trust in the process. Creating a coaching culture means embedding coaching as an integrated part of organisational systems, not as an isolated activity.
Sue: Agreed, and again, this will go back to the terms and conditions of the contract and the initial discovery conversation about what the organisation wants together with what the coachee needs. Having a coaching culture will help to define what that will be and what the expectations are and a clearly documented agenda. Coach-coachee confidentiality is crucial whilst also ensuring that a business can measure their Return On Investment (ROI). We are not just coaches, we are business professionals too!
Melissa: When coaching sits as a development tool within a broader L&D strategy then the agenda is clearer, particularly if it is attached to a specific development programme. Without clarity on its purpose coaching risks being misunderstood and underutilised.
Julie: That’s why how you frame coaching matters. I work with many private individuals and when my clients describe what they value, it’s not “development” or “maximising potential.” It’s thinking space. Protected, facilitated thinking time that they don’t get anywhere else. So, when talking about coaching to people who may find it useful, I use the words of my previous clients which is much more relevant to them than an official definition.
Coaching as a Relationship: The Human Element
Melissa: And that’s the heart of it. Coaching is a relationship.
Anny: A relationship grounded in psychological safety. Quality coaching creates a space where clients feel secure enough to explore uncomfortable truths while being challenged to grow. The coach holds this tension, between support and challenge, which requires both skill and self-awareness.
Sue: And like any relationship, it’s important to choose your coach well, do some research, have a discovery session where you will get a “feel” for what your relationship could look like. In a business environment the same principle applies, not all coach-coachee relationships work so there should be a few coaches for people to choose from. I always go back to the statement that coaching should be done with you - not to you!
Julie: The ICF talks about the coaching relationship but power imbalances can be hard to negotiate. The relationship requires courage on both sides. Clients need courage to feel able to be open and do the work. Coaches need courage to hold space, challenge, and navigate difficult moments.
Melissa: I heard a phrase recently: standing in the lion’s roar. It was in the context of team coaching. It’s about having the courage to hold space, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. And that’s what great coaching is about for me.
