How Coaches in conversation started

Coaches in Conversation was born from an uncomfortable truth that as coaches we often long for connection and collaboration with one another, but we also compete. It’s a tension many of us feel but rarely name. What does it mean to genuinely support peers in the same space we're trying to stand out in?

A few of us started wondering what might be possible if we held both truths at the same time. What if we acknowledged the quiet competition and chose to collaborate anyway?

That question stayed with us. For more than a year, we circled around it over coffee chats, deeper conversations and messages, exploring what we might create together without needing to have all the answers upfront. What would it look like to connect more deeply with other coaches in the realities we all face: time pressure, uncertainty, tricky boundaries, difficult systems, and still make space to speak meaningfully?

Coaches in Conversation is what grew from that. It’s deliberately simple. We meet when we can, reflect on a theme that matters, and write short, unpolished articles that speak from experience.

The pieces we share aren’t comprehensive or conclusive. They’re snapshots of thought, questions we’re living, rather than answers we’ve mastered. I hope they offer something useful to fellow coaches and to the clients and systems we’re all trying to support.

What does it mean to be an ethical coach?

This month Anny, Julie, Melissa and Sue explored what it means to be an ethical coach.

Introduction

Anny: Ethics in coaching is such a rich and layered conversation. It’s not just about right and wrong, and it’s certainly not only about adhering to rules. For me, ethics is woven through everything we do as coaches, how we develop ourselves, how we relate to clients, to how we market our services. It’s about self-awareness, thinking about unintended consequences, and practising with integrity.

What does it mean to be an ethical coach?

Anny: I think we have to be careful not to reduce ethics to a list of dos and don’ts. That can close down conversation. For me, ethics is really about how we think and reflect on our work. It’s about being honest with ourselves, staying open to the impact of what we do, and paying attention to what’s happening in our wider environment. That includes the models we use, how we contract, how we use tools and even the assumptions we carry about what coaching is for.

Melissa: If I think about what it means to be an ethical coach right now, I’d say it’s about how we evolve. The landscape is changing, and fast. Take AI, for instance. Clients are increasingly using AI tools to navigate life decisions. That shifts how they show up to coaching. For us, this raises ethical questions about contracting, boundaries, and how we stay grounded in the essence of coaching while remaining responsive to change.

Sue: For me, ethics starts with setting your stall out clearly. It’s about transparency, honesty, and being clear about your scope. As coaches, we’re dealing with people and with their goals, fears and vulnerabilities. I think ethical coaching comes down to integrity and a commitment to keep growing with the times, without losing the core values that define our profession.

Julie: I’ve been reflecting on what ethical practice means to me above and beyond the ethical frameworks from our professional bodies. For me my personal and professional ethics are closely tied up with my thoughts about integrity. It’s about doing the inner and background work when nobody is watching!  As you say Anny, that covers all the elements of my practice from marketing through to ending a coaching relationship. In particular, it’s about ensuring the client is at the centre of everything I do; meeting them where they are at and not where I would like them to be. It also means not taking on a client who I feel might be better served elsewhere by someone else and instead referring or signposting on.

Keeping pace with change: The AI question

Anny: The Global Code of Ethics and updated ICF Code now reference digital practices and AI. But let’s be honest, codes can’t always keep up with the pace of change. That’s why embedding ethics in our coaching practices matters. For me, being an ethical coach means having these kind of conversations regularly, we need to notice what’s changing in our field, talk with peers, and reflect on what it means for our clients and for ourselves. Being aware of the world we work in is part of ethical practice.

Sue: Exactly. I volunteer with a coaching body, and we’ve been having governance conversations about AI. It’s not about rejecting it, it’s about being transparent. If we use AI tools for content generation or research, we need to be honest about it. And more broadly, it’s about knowing where AI fits and where human coaching still matters, because coaching is a deeply human practice.

From compliance to maturity: Beyond codes

Melissa: It comes back to integrity. Whether we’re talking about AI, marketing, or coaching approaches, it’s about being open and honest about how we work. We’re not just technicians; we’re facilitators of thinking. And that means asking: How do we educate ourselves? How do we reflect on evolving challenges?

Anny: Exactly. What often comes up in the ethical conversation is how to develop ethical maturity. Ethical maturity, to me, is about developing habits that support self-awareness. That might include reflecting after each coaching session, thinking about our values, noticing where we might have blind spots, and engaging properly with supervision. It’s not just about ticking the boxes for CPD or accreditation, it’s about growing as a coach and being willing to challenge our assumptions.

Julie: I agree. A big element of ethical practice for me is tied up with the broadness of the ICF competency of embodying a coaching mindset. To me this means showing up as the most effective I can be which includes self care, not taking on too many clients, being clear about my own boundaries, accessing supervision and ensuring I have relevant and targeted CPD.

Sue: And as the world changes, so should our ethical reflections. Revisiting our contracts, refreshing our awareness, and asking what integrity means to us now, these are essential. What we committed to when we first trained as coaches isn’t static. Our understanding of ethical practice has to grow with us.

Final reflections

Melissa: This conversation reminded me how deeply human coaching practice is, and what ethics should be about. Beyond codes and checklists, it’s about reflection, awareness, and holding space with care. It’s about who we are as people, not just professionals.

Anny: I agree. Melissa, I loved that you brought in the humanness, because it says something about how you view your purpose of coaching. For me, ethics in coaching starts with understanding the purpose of coaching itself. That clarity allows us to align our values with our actions and to build trust in our client relationships.

Sue: Yes. Reflection and asking “why” are key. Why are we in this profession? What does it mean to show up with integrity today? When we stay close to those questions, we bring real value to our clients, and to ourselves as coaches.

Julie: Agreed, I’m loving the focus on our humanity as coaches. Coaching involves two humans connecting. Ethical practice is tied up with courageous practice. Sometimes that’s about having the courage to know your theories in depth, let them inform you and then put them aside and go where the client needs to go within your sphere of coaching expertise This is where coaching moves from a science to an art; acting ethically with focused curiosity.

Further reading and resources

• Wendy-Ann Smith et al. (2023) The Ethical Coaches’ Handbook: a guide to developing ethical maturity in practice.

• Global Code of Ethics for Coaches, Mentors and Supervisors https://www.globalcodeofethics.org

• ICF Code of Ethics (2025 revision) https://coachingfederation.org/credentialing/coaching-ethics/icf-code-of-ethics/

Photo by KATRIN BOLOVTSOVA

Coaches on vacation

We haven't had a chance to get together this month for our 'Coaches in conversation', but we didn't want to miss a month so we bring you 'Coaches on vacation' instead! To read all our stories, have a look at our ‘postcards’ shared on LinkedIn.

Here is Anny’s postcard from the wild:

Being South African, this was probably always on the cards. We set out on our first wild camping experience in the Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park last year. Unlike traditional campsites, these were unfenced, remote and unconnected. The campsites were open to wildlife, so at night, lions moved freely nearby. The only function on my phone that was still usable was the camera.

We had to plan carefully and carry everything we needed – enough food, fuel and water. The journey itself was physically demanding. We got stuck often in deep sand, dug ourselves out more than once, and one day lost 12 litres of milk in the trailer. The roads are so bumpy that the milk boxes disintegrated from all the bouncing. Imagine the speed and thoroughness of the clean-up!

And yet, despite the difficulty, or perhaps because of it, something in me shifted.

Off-grid and offline, I noticed how sharply my senses came alive. I could hear the lions roaring at night and sense both their distance and direction. That capacity doesn’t exist for me in the city. It was as if nature invited a different kind of knowing, a different way of being. One not driven by urgency or productivity, but by presence.

We had time on our hands and yet the days were full. After a while we started naming the days after what they brought – ‘Melkvlei day, Leeuloop day, Ratelpan day…’ Naming gave shape and a shared sense of our experience. What could have felt like effort became a story. And somewhere in the mess and laughter, I noticed we were being restored.

This year, I’m heading out to Botswana, which is why I won’t be contributing to May’s article. But it felt right to offer this reflection instead.

Earlier this year I came across the concept of the psychologically rich life, one marked by variety, perspective shifts, and emotional depth (Oishi et al., 2020). This resonated with me. We didn’t plan the trip that way, but perhaps that’s exactly what we created: not ease or escape, but something energising and expansive.

What is coaching, really?

Recently Anny, Melissa, Julie and Sue got together to kick off their Coaches in Conversation series by asking each other, "what is coaching, really?"

Introduction

Melissa: I think we should start by acknowledging that coaching is actually quite hard to define. Even as experienced coaches, we struggle to articulate it clearly.

Anny: Agreed. There’s no single definition that captures what coaching is in a way that makes sense to everyone - coaches, clients, organisations.

Sue: And this is a question that as coaches, we find ourselves explaining all the time!

Julie: And that’s why we’re having this conversation. Because before we dive into the trickier aspects of coaching, we need to explore how we understand it ourselves. Hopefully, through this, we can help others make sense of it too.

Defining Coaching: Where Do We Start?

Anny: Well, if it’s any consolation, even the experts struggle. Maybe we should begin with a widely accepted definition. The ICF one comes to mind.

Julie: Yes! It’s the one I always remember as certain words stand out to me; such as thought-provoking, creative, partnership, maximising potential. “Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximise their personal and professional potential.”

Anny: I like that. And then there’s the Bachkirova,  Clutterbuck and Cox definition, which is more structured: “Coaching is a human development process that involves structured, focused interaction and the use of appropriate strategies, tools and techniques to promote desirable and sustainable change for the benefit of the client and potentially other stakeholders.”

Sue: So many versions, no wonder people get confused! I particularly like, “Coaching is about performing at your best, through the individual and private assistance of someone who will challenge, stimulate and guide you to keep growing” by Gerard O Donavan, Master Coach.

Melissa: I get why these definitions exist, but I wonder - how useful are they for clients? If you told a potential coachee either of those, would they actually understand what coaching is?

The Challenge of Articulating Coaching Clearly

Anny: That’s a good point. Organisations, individuals - they all come to coaching with different expectations. Some see it as performance-driven, some as developmental, some think it’s therapy with a different name.

Sue: Absolutely - people/organisations have different expectations and understanding of what coaching is and the principles that it holds and that’s why we as coaches have a very important job in setting the stage, boundaries and what the client should expect from the coach-coachee relationship.

Melissa: And the lines are blurred. We talk about coaching being distinct as it is “non-directive,” but you just have to look at the rise of AI coaching which is more directive. If clients have used an AI coach their expectations of human coaching could be different. And then there is the growing variation in specialisms in coaching, particularly those that lean more towards being therapeutic.

Julie: Yes, my coaching qualification trained me in coaching skills situated firmly within the ICF competencies. When clients started to approach me to manage feelings of overwhelm and nearing burnout, it sometimes felt that pure coaching techniques weren’t always enough. So, I completed additional training in specific burnout coaching which means I have an extended toolkit. I still wouldn’t call it directive coaching though as I still follow where the client wants to go. Ethics and boundaries are important to me.

Anny: So true, as a coach, you need to know what space you're working in, what your expertise allows you to do, and most importantly, when to refer someone elsewhere. While most coaches are guided by codes of ethics, these remain just guides. This is why coaches need to develop ethical maturity and why coaching supervision is so important.

Contracting and Re-Contracting: The Key to Clarity

Julie: This is why contracting is so important. When I started out, I used to contract once, at the beginning of the relationship. Now I do it all the time. Every session, I check in: Is this still what you need? Do we need to shift focus? Are we staying within the coaching space?

Anny: And that's a skill clients should expect from a good coach. If you're looking for coaching, ask: How does this coach manage the process? Do they adapt when needed? Quality coaching requires psychological flexibility - being present, values-driven, and adapting appropriately within ethical guidelines.

Melissa: Contracting becomes even more critical when the coaching involves other parties - like when working with a coachee and their manager or when coaching a team. It’s really important for the coach to invest time upfront contracting with each individual involved.

Sue: I couldn't agree more - this is a particular passion of mine, with my “Governance” hat on, I think it’s vital to not only clearly define the expectations and the nature of the contract with the coachee/business and to ensure from the outset what coaching is and is not. Also, “checking in” that this is still the arrangement, is essential and necessary. As a self governing practice, this is hugely important and a topic to explore on its own merit

The Organisational Context: Coaching as an Investment

Melissa: In organisations, it gets even trickier. Who owns the coaching agenda - the organisation or the individual?

Anny: I think it's reasonable for an organisation to have an agenda if they're funding coaching. But that has to be managed. The individual still needs confidentiality and trust in the process. Creating a coaching culture means embedding coaching as an integrated part of organisational systems, not as an isolated activity.

Sue: Agreed, and again, this will go back to the terms and conditions of the contract and the initial discovery conversation about what the organisation wants together with what the coachee needs. Having a coaching culture will help to define what that will be and what the expectations are and a clearly documented agenda. Coach-coachee confidentiality is crucial whilst also ensuring that a business can measure their Return On Investment (ROI). We are not just coaches, we are business professionals too!

Melissa: When coaching sits as a development tool within a broader L&D strategy then the agenda is clearer, particularly if it is attached to a specific development programme. Without clarity on its purpose coaching risks being misunderstood and underutilised.

Julie: That’s why how you frame coaching matters. I work with many private individuals and when my clients describe what they value, it’s not “development” or “maximising potential.” It’s thinking space. Protected, facilitated thinking time that they don’t get anywhere else. So, when talking about coaching to people who may find it useful, I use the words of my previous clients which is much more relevant to them than an official definition.

Coaching as a Relationship: The Human Element

Melissa: And that’s the heart of it. Coaching is a relationship.

Anny: A relationship grounded in psychological safety. Quality coaching creates a space where clients feel secure enough to explore uncomfortable truths while being challenged to grow. The coach holds this tension, between support and challenge, which requires both skill and self-awareness.

Sue: And like any relationship, it’s important to choose your coach well, do some research, have a discovery session where you will get a “feel” for what your relationship could look like. In a business environment the same principle applies, not all coach-coachee relationships work so there should be a few coaches for people to choose from. I always go back to the statement that coaching should be done with you - not to you!

Julie: The ICF talks about the coaching relationship but power imbalances can be hard to negotiate. The relationship requires courage on both sides. Clients need courage to feel able to be open and do the work. Coaches need courage to hold space, challenge, and navigate difficult moments.

Melissa: I heard a phrase recently: standing in the lion’s roar. It was in the context of team coaching. It’s about having the courage to hold space, no matter how uncomfortable it gets. And that’s what great coaching is about for me.